Friday, May 28, 2004

How to avoid the ER

While visiting the US Postal Service's website to track a package (if you can call it tracking when a package arrives at your house before ever showing up as registered in their system), I noticed the following graphic:


I was initially startled that such a thing would be on the USPS's site. Then I realized the obvious, and proceeded to read the information supplied regarding National Dog Bite Prevention Week. While I was startled by the assertion that dog bites can account for as much as 5% of the ER visits in this country, my first question was actually "Shouldn't we get a day off from work for this?"

When I got past that, I decided to do some research, and found this CDC report from 2000, which I believe to be the latest published report by the CDC on such statistics.

The first thing I noticed was that this report listed Dog Bites as accounting for only 1.3% of ER visits across both men and women. That doesn't sound as bad, but we obviously still want to prevent dog bites in the first place. Unless, of course, the dog bites someone who is intruding or tresspassing, in which case I say "Bite AWAY!"

Then I noticed that Overexertion accounts for up to 11% of ER visits. Stop the presses! Perhaps we should have a whole month (or two) devoted to National Overexertion Prevention! I can see the public service announcements now....

Husband: Almost done honey, I just want to clean this one last bathroom before I stop for the night.
Wife: Well, dear, don't overdo it! After all, it is...
In Unison: National Overexertion Prevention Quarter!
Wife: Remember, dear, overexertion accounts for up to 11% of ER visits annually!
Husband: Golly! You're right honey, I'd better quit now before I get overexerted. You're a life-saver, sweetie!

Before we get too carried away, let's notice one more statistic from our friendly report: The leading cause of ER visits for both men and women is listed as "Fall"! So, no matter what you do to avoid going to the ER, when September 21st rolls around, it all goes out the window. Personally I would have predicted Summer for a leading cause, but that's beside the point. Now, when Amy asks me to be carefull on that ladder, I can say with confidence "Have no fear Amy, ladders aren't listed on the CDC's list of ER visit causes! As long as it's not Autumn, I'm safe!"

So be safe, avoid dogs, avoid working too hard, and by all means avoid Fall!


Kathryn said...

ROFL!! That is, I have to say, your best one yet Rollin. All hail the humor guru!

*at work and bored*